Lil bro.

Starting to get more excited every day about my dreads. Spent probably four hours on GUDU this morning just lurking, reading, admiring... such beautiful hair on beautiful people with beautiful souls! A few months and I will be there! Im learning as much as I can now for myself and also for my little bro. Im excited to get him ready to take care of his own hair once his dreads are done the right way.

Sept 2010 and April 2011

In the mean time im trying to work on getting him to open up to the world a bit more. He was the COOLEST kid growing up. Always very intuitive and empathetic. But I havent seen him in almost two years now, and hes grown a bit brash, lol. He's always had an intrest in weapons and wanted to join the military. He's 11 now though and im worried that he is learning a lot about one side of things. The flip side of his personality is a love for nature, obsession with dreadlocks, joy in making his own juice with a juicer. He's half hippie half war head. Its quite a mix! But hes a fantastic person. Hes so smart at such a young age. Im excited for him to learn and grow.
I am encouraging him the best I can to learn more about the world. To know he can have intrests in MANY areas and not have to pick one narrow way of life. He is very intelligent and is gonna grow up and do something awesome for sure. I want him to be able to learn both sides of a situation and debate the pros and cons. He will really be able to go far in life. They're good boys.

My fav pic of boys and I, soon after we met, July 2005-ish

One of the last times I saw them, August 2009

Boys Dec 2010

The day gets better :)

Woke up a little out of it and had an emotional morning... Talked to my Sunshine and that helped as always though it also made me incredibly antsy to go to Texas! Im not a patient person at all and its been six months since ive seen her. I miss that girl! So after a video chat I got ready and chilled with Rosie for a while, went out to dinner. Didnt hit the skate park today because it was rainy and windy and cold! Went to derby practice and was feeling like a useless fly on the wall as usual. Ive had a really hard time connecting there for some reason, which is very unlike me. So a little while into practice I got called up to help and was actually involved in the majority of it and it felt GREAT! Im so excited to get on skates, im really hoping to have my insurance forms back by Monday evening so I can skate at practice! Im planning on buying new elbow pads and wrist guards this weekend. Saturday Rosie and I are going to Yakima to meet up with Zach and hit SkateLand, super psyched for this! Ive been skating on cement so im curious how the slick floor will treat me lol. Then after that we're hitting up a coffee shop with some ASL students/friends of Zach's so that should be fun. Mary is coming into town Friday and ill probably hang out with her. And Sunday is scrimmage day between our two local derby teams. So a fun weekend :)
I super duper need to clean the house and organize my room this week. My Dad will be home early next week and we are trying to get the house emptied and ready for BK (his girlfriend, Bette Kay) to move all of her things over on the 16th of May! Combining two full households is quite an experience!
Getting more excited daily for my dreads! Worried about my derby helmet, I might need a bigger size... but im determined to make it work! My little brother's mom made him shave his dreads off and hes PISSED and im not thrilled either. So I told him that when it grows out to 4-5 inches I will help him do it the right way. So that will be cool to look forward to.
Okay im tired, bed time!

Roslyn Recoup!

Im still recouping from the weekend, lol. It seems to take a while to feel normal again after a weekend in Roslyn lol. It was amazing and totally worth it though, of course. Rosie and I got to Roslyn Saturday evening in time for the adult oriented Easter egg hunt and pinatas. It was a blast to have a group of drunken people running around the street digging for plastic eggs and swinging broomsticks at paper mache'd balloons. What was even more entertaining were the eggs filled with temporary tattoos, brownies, creepy Easter candies, and Nicorette gum. And of course the pinatas filled with various candy, lip gloss, toothbrushes, and mini bottles of alcohol. Good times diving across the floor for that shit! Trish and Gus did a few songs, they were good and it was fun. Then SSR came in and of course Reny and Bell were awesome. I had a blast drinking and dancing with everyone! Ang actually has a quite hilarious video of me dancing like an idiot that I need to get ahold of lol. I met some wonderful new people, and re-connected with some others. I ran into an amazing old friend of mine, Kass, that ive known since I was 5 years old. Turns out shes Trish's mom! Good grief, small world! It was wonderful to see Kass again, its been quite a few years. She immediately remembered that it was recently my mom's birthday. Made me very happy. Friday night wrapped up, Rosie went home, and I went to Reny & Bells for a little while and then headed to the Inn which had been reserved for our group. It was a super cute little place! I finally passed out around 3am but a good portion of the people were still partying until almost 8am! I lucked out and only managed to get a mark on my nose and a heart drawn on my sweatshirt, pretty tame punishment in this group for falling asleep early lol.
Woke up Sunday morn and had breakfast at the Pasttime and then headed to Trish's to start it all over again. 11 bottles of champagne and a bottle of vodka later (plus other goodies thrown in the mix) and we were having a pretty good day! Had $5 spaghetti at The Brick, stopped by the Pasttime to say bye to everyone, and crashed at Ang's moms place in Cle Elum.
Got home Monday morning EXHAUSTED! Then had to scramble to get prepared for Rock Against Rape. Headed up to CWU for that and it was AWESOME! I went to all the booths and got a T-shirt and a cool glass. And I really thing the EQuAL booth was awesome! There is talk of making the idea into a program for residence halls so that is super cool! I missed T-Grace and was sad about that but I had to get to Roller Derby practice. Ive missed the past few and especially now that I have almost all of my stuff im making it a POINT not to miss any more! I will be riding my bike to and from practice Monday, Wednesday, Sunday. Its about 5 miles each way. Not too bad but with the 25mph winds and me being out of shape, its quite an exhausting ride for me. But im gonna do it, and its gonna be great. Ive been skating at the skate park nearly every day and I cant wait to get my USARS insurance back and pick up the final pieces of equipment so I can get on skates at practice! Im hoping to go to Skateland this Saturday to get a little practice in on the slick floor.
Tonight The Voice premiered on NBC and Vicci Martinez did a FABULOUS job! Im so excited to see her on tv and so proud of her! She has worked a long time for this! And it was awesome to hear her talking about coming out as a teen and being yourself. There is actually another lesbian on there too, crazy! Very cool tho, I will be glued to the tv Tuesday nights for a while now!
Okay, im EXHAUSTED and ready for bed. Peace out!

Skirts, shampoo, skating, and SSR!

Im bouncing around the house in a skirt. Yes, a SKIRT. And browsing Etsy for other such things. Because I have decided that I thorougly miss hippie skirts and I must aquire some :-)

Did my first Apple Cider Vinegar rinse on my hair yesterday, hoping it will help to hold in my color. Waiting a while for the Baking Soda wash as ive been told it may lighten my color, and my hair is still crazy soft from the shampoo they used while coloring it. After showering last night I very lightly backcombed a section of hair just to see what it would do. AMAZING! Im pretty sure my hair is going to take to the dreading in a most excellent way! Im using the Dr Bronners soap bar and the Burts Bees face wash, so far so good. And amazingly Tom's deoderant held out through my skating yesterday which is crazy and awesome.

Skating is going well. Still not getting too crazy but im enjoying it and feeling more stable. My helmet should be here early in the week! And im gonna start making it to every practice even if I have to pay a cab to take me!

Im so excited to go to Roslyn today that ive been awake pretty much since 6am. These people just make my world happy! Wonderful friends and great music! Only a few more hours :)

Hair and skates!

Decision is MADE. Dreads will be started during my visit to Texas in the next few months. I hope my hair is long enough by then! I will be starting tomorrow on a no-shampoo trial. I will be using baking soda and water as a wash and apple cider vinegar for a conditioning rinse. I got a Dr Bronners castille soap bar and some Burts Bees facial scrub as well. Should be an interesting experience. I wore capris today and was horrified by my own leg hair but im trying really hard to go with it! Having super dark hair is no fun in this instance lol. I got a teal streak put in my hair today and I LOVE it!

Hit up the skate park for 45 minutes today on my roller skates and rocjed it. Just basic forward skating with right and left turns, trying to stay in derby stance. But I only fell once and it was when I hit a rock so I was quite proud of myself. Cant wait to get elbow pads and a helmet so I can be more daring!

Getting super psyched for the weekend and the Aries/Taurus party! Its gonna be rad.

Hair today, gone tomorrow?

Spending a lot of time on LiveJournal today going through the Get Up Dread Up community. I want dreads. My hair is so long its driving me crazy, but I need another couple inches before I can start backcombing. Im so excited over the idea. Ive been told by many that its gonna be RAD, and ive been told by a few that its nasty. Im not sure what I would do with my hair if I grew it out and DIDNT dread it. I miss my short hair. I always feel so good when I chop it all off. Rosie told me today I look hot with short dyke hair and that made me smile. I suppose I shall have to see if I can handle the grow-out process for dreads. If I cant make it, I cant make it. If I do make it and I hate the dreads, I chop them off and have short hair. If I make it and love them then awesome! One day at a time I suppose. I need to really think about what is going to make ME happy!!!

Wrapping up my stay in town

Tomorrow will be my last day in town. Girls will be home from Hawaii and i'll be back at my Dads. Im not too thrilled about the prospect. Havent spoken with him since our fight on Sunday morning so we'll see how it goes. Im sure he has calmed down but the problem is that the facts of the fight are still the same.
Im going to tell my Dad that I DO want to do summer classes at CWU. Its a start, and I need that. Ive gotta do SOMETHING right now. So i'll get started there and see how it goes. Looking into some options for staying in town at least part time. I know that will help reduce the stress level at home. When my Dad's girlfriend moves here next month that should calm things down considerably as well. Im excited to start school and get things rolling. Im looking into a part time job as well. Im incredibly stressed about money right now. I havent worked since January and my phone bill is almost a month late. I havent paid on my tickets in a couple months. I need my phone at the very least. I want to save up for a new phone as well that I can make video calls on. Something with a front facing camera! Not to mention I have more derby gear to buy. Though I havent been able to make it to practices recently mostly due to fighting with my dad and not having rides. Its stressful not having a license.

Im looking forward to this weekend and the Aries/Taurus party very much! I adore all of the Seattle/Roslyn people. Im a decent bit younger than most of them and yet ive never felt more comfortable. I am accepted, not judged, and its a wonderful feeling. The party is gonna be a blast! Rosie will be accompanying me and so many fabulous people will be there. A lovely escape from reality! Though really, reality has been pretty great recently. Happy outweighs, and almost obliterates, sad! Fantastical.

EQuAL meeting and movie night tonight :-) Im off to clean clean clean the office until I get to go home!

School!

The weekend was so superbly amazing! I dont even have words to describe how happy I was! Ive never given Oregon that much though except for a love of the coast. This weekend I really discocered how beautiful the whole state is. Its so green! I just wanted to sit under a tree all day even though it was overcast and rainy. I would never think that here in Washington! When it rains here I typically hide inside and wait for it to be over. So the state is great.
The school is even more amazing! The sweatshirt I bought has already become my second skin. My friend Zach came to the preview day with me. We spent 5 hours touring the school and talking the people. The campus is gorgeous so green and lively. There are squirrels everywhere! The buildings are old and brick and really pretty. They have a new rec center with a climbing wall, basketball gym with suspended track, tons of new machines, and a POOL with lap and recreational swims!!! Im pretty sure I would live in there! The classrooms are relativley small and the largest class size is 90. Our tour guide says she has had classes of only 15 people. Everyone we met was fantastic. If someone couldn't answer a question for us they didnt just point us in the right direction. They walked with us and introduced us to someone who could help and made sure we found the answer we were looking for. Everyone was genuinely nice; no one was fake, or rude, or full of themselves and too busy for us.
Cost of attendance includes tuition and fees, books and supplies, room and board, and personal expenses. For an Oregon resident it is estimated at $19,884 yearly. For a non-resident it is $31,425. Then there is a program called Western Undergraduate Exchange (WUE). As a Washington resident I will qualify under this program to pay $21,921/year. Just a bit more than an Oregon resident. The only stipulation to this is that under the WUE program you cannot be majoring in ASL studies or Interpereting. The reasoning for this is because they have approximatley 300 incoming students each year that go into those programs. This is a serious downside to me because those two programs are the reason I am interested in WOU. One of the things they do to offset this is once you get accepted into the ITP program there is a tuition stipend available that waives tuition for those students. To get accepted into that program you have to have your first 2-3 years of core classes completed. So my final 2 years of school I wouldnt have to pay tuition.
Through some talking when I was there on Saturday I believe i've found a decent way to make all of this work for me. When I move down and start at WOU I will be declaring a major that is NOT one of the Deaf Studies programs for the first two years. After 2-3 years when I have all of my core classes finished and get accepted into the ITP program I will then declare that as my major. So I will either double major or have an ASL major and something else minor. In doing this I will be able to pay the lower tuition under the WUE program for my first few years and then qualify for the tuition stipend. My other option is to move to Oregon and live there for a full year before starting school; then I will qualify as an Oregon resident. Im not sure which route I will take. Id like to get into school as soon as possible. I need to figure out what I will major in. Im thinking Linguistics would be a good option. I want something that will tie in with the ASL/ITP nicely.
So Ive got a lot of thinking and organizing to do to figure out how to get this all done, but im MORE than ready!
As for what im going

Momentary set-backs

In a whirlwind of happiness and love and new experiences, yesterday held some low points. My dad and I got into a huge fight about school and my aunt called and told me there wasnt room for me at my uncles funeral. Both things were super stressful to me because of how great things have been recently. Mentally ive been in such a fantastic place and to be brought down was very frustrating. I brought it back around and had a good day, but those feelings are still with me.

Im in love!

I didnt want to leave Oregon. It was almost painful. I cant belive how amazing WOU was. I have never experienced such genuine care and concern by both faculty and students anywhere before. Everyone was so nice and helpful. If I was hot I would sell my body on the street to pay for tuition because I want it almost as much as I want air. Its also stunningly beautiful there. I just felt so happy. As a general rule I despise gloomy weather. I love Seattle until it rains and then I hide under something for fear of melting. It was cloudy and gray in Oregon today and I was utterly enthralled with all of it! I wish I could have just not come home. I WILL find a way to make this work, and I will do it soon. There are many more things going on in my head right now that im not really prepared to share publicly right now. But all in all it was an amazing weekend and I cant wait for it to be my life! Tomorrow is Derby Practice and possibly bowling with the Derby girls. It is also my beautiful friends birthday, I shall need to find some flowers! I am filled with love and happiness right now, I feel electric and I love it!

Good morning from Oregon!

7am! Been up for an hour and almost ready to roll. Tried to update from an iPad but Blogger doesnt seem to work... damn Apple. Oh well. Im too excited to care! Not only do i get to go hang out at WOU today, it is actually Spring Preview Day which means informational meetings, guided tours, and catered lunch! I cant wait for this!!! This is my future and im gonna be staring right at it!

I skated around the parking lot last night as well as the hotel room and I actually did really well and was proud of myself! Cant wait to get on to real floors! Lol

Ok im losing my attention here, time to have a fantastic day!

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Keepin busy!

I am not a patient person! In 2.5 hours ill be taking off on a mini road trip with two of my friends, and im so antsy I cant stop moving. Im quite excited because I will be spending the majority of my day tomorrow exploring Salem, OR and Monmouth, OR which is where I will be headed for school in just two years! Ive heard wonderful things about the campus and I cant wait to see it for myself! Im going to take my skates and hit the sidewalks! Its also going to be great to skip town for a couple days and hang out with my friends. Already looking forwards to a super amazing party next weekend as well! Didnt make it far around town last night but had a great time anyways; good people, good conversation. Following the natural flow of life is WONDERFUL! My soul is HAPPY!

Have skates, will travel!

My skates arrived in the mail today and im quite excited! I spent the remaining hour of work skating around the office. Im decent on the flat carpet but the laminate hardwood is gonna take some time to get used to! I plan to go to the skatepark this week to practice and hoping to hit the skating rink next week! I still need a helmet and elbow pads and I really need to invest in padded shorts to protect my tailbone because I broke it as a child. But hey, im rolling! Thats an awesome start!

Got to have an entertaining convo about relationships today with a self proclaimed "monogamous prude" and it was quite fun actually. Im hanging out in my hammock at the moment watching the dogs play and waiting to get picked up for "Girls Night Out" in downtown tonight. Its a bit prissy for my tastes but a few decent stores will be open and theres free food and all that jazz. So, cant complain!

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Half Blood Hippie?

I have made three entries so far, and have yet to touch on the title of my blog. "Half Blood Hippie" is an odd phrase. But it fits what I feel right now. I recently went on a little weekend getaway with some friends. The people I met and experiences I had were fantastic. I felt free, and I felt happy. It has influenced many things. I made new friends, tried new food, and listened to new music.
I have made the decision to stop shaving. To grow my hair out in preparation for dreadlocks. To use more natural products. To live freely and love fully. I have also chosen to come out as Polyamorous. A friend jokingly said to me: "You Queers, always having to come out as something!" I suppose it seems silly to "come out" in this sense. But the words fit for my purposes. I am telling those close to me because I think it will help them understand my views and actions. I have always been a fan of the idea of "open relationships". But I have come to realize that I don't just dislike singular commitment, I don't think I am actually CAPABLE of long term monogamy. I end up in relationships very fast and they turn serious just as quick. And then I find myself loving that person... but longing for other people. It has always made me feel like a horrible person and it has ended many relationships for me. But ive come to realize that it doesnt mean I care about the person I am with any less. I have the ability to love more than one person at the same time. This has always been a part of me, I just finally have a title for it. And being able to use that word to describe my feelings has made me feel so FREE.
I am so excited about everything life has to offer!

Where am I headed?

Who do I want to be?
Thats a very good question. I do not know the answer. I dont think I will know the answer until I am there. This is not about getting from Point A to Point B. It is about the transformation.
Where am I in this process? Well, it is fairly new. And I think if I asked myself that every day, it would always be a different answer! But here is where I am today.
I have finally found what I want to do with my life. I realized that the reason school never worked before was because I just didnt care enough. School is going to be hard for me, and I accept that. I have finally found something worth working for! I DREAM in ASL. The Deaf World is at the end of my rainbow.
I am making changes toward a healthier lifestyle. I have gained not only weight, but laziness, shortness of breath, and pain. I want all of those to go away! I want to be happy with my body and to feel well too! I am eating better, and less. I am exercising and riding my bike often, and setting goals for myself. I joined Roller Derby as a way to get more physically fit as well as become more comfortable with myself!
I am not in a relationship currently and I am finding myself very anti-commitment. Me, my dog, and my schoolwork are the things I need to focus on right now. I am not ready for a serious relationship any time soon. And any relationship tends to turn serious for me.
I am making new friends and experiencing new things. I want to continue to move forward in all of these things.

Where am I coming from?

Who was I?
I have always been "older than my age". I started hanging around high school kids early in middle school. Ive kept most of my friend within that same age frame difference since then. I started smoking and drinking at a very young age. I do not think my "older" friends influenced me in those choices at all; I would have done it regardless. They are actually probably the reason I stayed safe through it all. Ive had friends from all walks of life. Rich and poor, smart and.... not so much. Every color of the rainbow every gender and orientation and religion. They listen to every kind of music and like every kind of book and movie out there. And I love that. I got into serious relationships at young ages. I got too committed. I got married. I bought a house. I wasnt ready. We split up. I got in more relationships. Many I ended. I never have been ready for relationships. Some were ended by the other person. Heartbreak is easier for me to have than to cause.
I find myself doing what pleases other people, not what pleases me. I change myself to suit them. I cant make decisions by myself. I struggle with love and commitment. With who I really am inside as opposed to who I am outside, and how much of that is influenced by others.
I struggle with a neurological disorder causing problems with attention span, memory, sensory issues, Auditory Processing Disorder, physical and vocal tics, and anxiety. Ive been medicated for it in the past.
I was raised Catholic. I was adopted at birth and have both my adoptive and biological families in my life. My adoptive mom passed away when I was 16, and I miss her terribly. My biological mom is great. My Dad is the most important person in the world to me.
I sucked in school and went to an alternative high school. Ive tried college multiple times to no avail.
I was very involved with theatre and music while in school.
I always felt very accomplished when I was younger. Now I feel pathetic next to my peers. Like I missed the time frame in my life where I was supposed to have accomplished things.
Ive always been weird. Kids would turn away from me (and occasionally run from me) in the hall. I dressed weird, acted weird, and just WAS weird.
I spent 7 years as a vegetarian.
People have always depended on me. Even my older friends have commonly come to me for advice or input. And im always there.
I dont believe in regret. Life is to short to sit around pitying yourself for the choices you made. Every situation has a lesson in it and gives you a chance to choose differently next time!

I am embarking on a journey....

I am embarking on a journey. It does not include a suitcase, a backpack, a plane ticket, or a tent. No material possessions are necessary. Everything I need and everywhere I go is all right inside my soul.
I am here to record my journey. I'm not a good journal keeper. I start out with great intentions, but am easily distracted and find it too hard to catch up after a while. I think my biggest goal in doing this blog will be to RELAX about it! If I forget to update for a while I dont need to feel like I have to go back and catch up. I am doing this for ME, not for anyone else. So as long as I am happy, I can make my own rules!
That really applies to my life right now, and not just this blog. I have been living for other people most of my life. Making others happy is where I find my happiness. And seeing others sad is where I find my sadness. I want to continue to be a kind, loving, caring person. But I also need to learn to focus on and respect myself, and to make my own choices in order to better my life.
I am wishing myself luck in this experience and hope I am better for it!