Mothers day.

Its mothers day.

I hadnt thought much of it this week. Mostly "Damn, im going to miss derby practice." My Gramma is coming over to my Aunts house and we are having meatloaf. I like hanging out with my Gramma, even though shes definatley getting pretty senile (she IS 90, after all). I actually planned a BBQ for this evening, having a handful of people over for burgers and movies.
I woke up this morning and posted Happy Mothers Day on the wall of a couple women who have been especially good to me. And of course to Mary, my bio-mom. When it comes right down to it, shes the reason im here. So that got me reflecting a bit. I am eternally thankful to Mary. I love my bio family and am greatful they are in my life, I wouldnt change that for the world. But I am exactley where I need to be in the world. Mary gave me life when she gave birth to me, and she gave me life a second time when she gave me up for adoption. I had a wonderful childhood and loving parents. And now I am able to share my life with both of those families.

I miss my mom. Shes been gone five and a half years now. Most days im fine. I broke down and cried today. I got on youtube and listen to Kanye West- Hey Mama. It came out the same week we found out my mom was sick the last time. The day she died I played it on repeat for 6 hours. I played it at her funeral.
My dad is in Montana right now. In nine days he will be arriving here with a moving truck and his girlfriend. I really like BK, shes great. And im so happy for my dad. But its hard for me when he says things like "I've thought about her for so long. Every time I drove though Montanna. But I couldnt ever stop and look her up because I was with your mom." That stings. I love my dad with all my heart and im glad hes happy. But I still miss my mom. And im not willing to let her go.