overwhelmed.

im feeling overwhelmed. just at this very moment. for the past few minutes. i will be fine. there is just so much going on.

im waiting to hear about my CWU admissions. i have to take the compass math text next wednesday. im spending a LOT of time doing online math tutoring. but im scared. i dont know WHAT i'll do if i dont get into school.
a person came to look at buying my car today. her son in law was with her and saw my tattoo and he worked in a Deaf alcohol rehab program in vancouver for 20 years. we chatted and signed. he said he loves the culture but i shouldnt get too attahched because Deaf people will never TRULY like me. no matter how much i try they will always talk crap about me behind my back because im hearing. he bragged so much about all of the awesome Deaf events and the community, and said its amazing... as long as youre Deaf yourself.
BK (my dads girlfriend) is here. her things will be here in 9 hours. the house is almost completely empty. dad is taking so much of his stuff out to make room for hers. its such a weird feeling. i like having her here. just odd.
all the commotion has rupert quite wound up. he has no idea whats coming. he will be on a plane in 21 days.
im so excited to go to texas. so ready to be out of ellensburg for a while and in a place where my heart will feel calm. with my best friend. im also nervous. its been a long time since ive seen her. and i miss her so much. im sure she have changed. we both have. preparations to travel are stressful as well. i just want the trip to be fantastic.
im excited to spend my birthday in texas. i havent had an awesome birthday since i was 17. i will do something here in eburg before i go to texas. and then i will have a bday party in seattle the same weekend as pride. im excited for this. i hope its an amazing birthday all around.
the girl i was involved with and i have resigned to friendship. we hung out for a short time once this week. we might chill this weekend. i dont know where we stand. i hope nothing has changed.
a lovely girl stayed with me sunday night. i went to her place on tuesday. she had to cancel plans on wednesday. i asked her over for pizza on saturday and she hasnt responded. shes moving to seattle in 3 weeks. i know she doesnt want anything serious. she doesnt want a girlfriend at all. i like her and would like to keep her around in some way. at least as a friend. i guess time will tell.
a friend and i hung out yesterday and ended up kissing. we talked after and have agreed to date. we hung out today. shes very sweet. things may move a bit slower with her, but im okay with that.
i havent skated in a week because my skates are getting stretched. i should get them back tomorrow. i need them. i need that feeling in my body. i havent been to a practice all week between not having skates and being busy at home. i miss people.
i am considering signing a song for Queer People Choice Awards at CWU pride the end of this month. i want to very badly. but i dont know if i could pull it off.
i wore a skirt all day today. and ive given up shoes (at least while in town). my hair is getting longer. i cross my fingers the dreads will stick. but i dont mind the long hair as much as i thought i would.
someone tried to kill a bug outside today and i said "stop! that bug didnt do anything to you!"
i also spent a signifigant ammount of time in boxers and a sports bra laying on the roof in the sun today.

i feel the need to keep this blog a place for me to express my thoughts and feelings about the changes in my life and my journey as a whole. i do not want it to become a droning day to day recount of my activities. thats what facebook is for. thats what conversation is for. this blog is more than that. this is where i need to channel all the emotions i have consuming me at times, like right now.

i feel liberated in many ways. but i am very tired.