Appearance.

Trying to get ready to go out for the day I find myself struggling. I chose to wear guys clothing today. My hair is looking majorly crazy right now and I really need to have SOMETHING in it so I grabbed a black bandana and put it in like a headband. Which isnt as girly as a head scarf, but its still pretty girly looking. And my brain goes to- "Im not going to pick up women this way." No, thats not my main focus of the day. Not even close. But I am conceited enough that I DO care to an extent what I look like when I go out. And I do judge my appearance based on what others think when they look at me.
When I was dykey it didnt matter if a lesbian was attracted to me or not, they still knew I was a lesbian. There wasnt that questioning period. It makes situations quicker and easier. Now im in this weird limbo not really fitting into either category. And even if im inwardly happy with my outward appearance, I struggle with how others perceive me. Im not boyish anymore, but im definatley not a femme, either. So many people out there are specifically looking for one or the other. Not someone who fits a tiny bit into each category.
Im not lacking for companions at the moment and I dont think ill be alone for the rest of my life or any of that nonsense. Its just frusturating to feel like my options are limited by my appearance. I already struggle with other parts of myself that make it hard at times to bring new people into my life.
*sigh* I suppose its all part of the journey...