Yesterday I went to Yakima and stopped by my old work. Excited to see co-workers I walked up to people smiling and offering hugs. The majority of the time I was met with strange looks and had people walk away. I was upset and hurt for a while until I realized what was happening... people werent recognizing me. When I left work in January I still had super short clipper cut hair and wore only mens clothes. Yesterday I had my hippie skirt on and my dreadies tied up in a scarf. It was a bit strange. In the last 6 months I have changed enough that people I was once fairly close to dont even recognize me. Wow.
You know, im happy with myself. I really am. I dont fit into a box or under a label. But i've stopped trying to explain it all. First of all its really no ones business! Secondly.... I dont necessarily have words for it. But it works for ME, and thats all that matters.
There are times when I waiver. When I think "its so much easier to just fit into one category". I feel awkward hitting on women while im wearing a skirt and a head scarf. But I think part of that is just time. It takes time to adjust. Ive changed a lot in a short period of time and I am finally catching up with myself.
Oh, Marcy. You know, I feel more confident hitting on women in butchier clothes, too. Did you know that? I don't know what it is, and most feminists would probably hate the implications that men's clothes make a woman feel more confident... But it is what it is.
ReplyDelete~Rosie
Also, I've learned to enjoy the ability to waiver a bit on the gender spectrum. It's kind of freeing, being able to play both sides, be feminine and a bit vulnerable when it suits and also being able to butch it up and be confident and a bit chauvinist. And sometimes, it just makes me smile to stare at a woman's ass and be a pig while I'm wearing a skirt and don't look the part!
ReplyDelete~Rosie again